EA announced today that it has acquired the Panzer Dragoon license. “Sega hasn’t made a Panzer Dragoon game in over ten years. They sold the license to us for next to nothing”, an EA spokesperson said. “Copies of Panzer Dragoon Saga on eBay cost more than we paid for this.”
With the acquisition, EA announced their plans for a new title in the Panzer Dragoon series. Titled simply Panzer Dragoon, the game will be a reboot of the series. EA plans to recreate the series as it always should have been. “Although Panzer Dragoon was traditionally a solitary experience, a boy and his dragon exploring a desolate world, we felt this scenario didn’t take advantage of the amazing range of social features available on the Origin platform,” EA told us. Panzer Dragoon will feature in-game alerts notifying you of your friends’ pattergo kill count and popups every time they pet their dragons. Panzer Dragoon will require a constant Internet connection to support these groundbreaking new features.
Panzer Dragoon will also finally provide answers to some of the long running mysteries of the Panzer Dragoon universe. “Nothing should be left to the player’s imagination”, EA told us. “So we’re finally going to give players the opportunity to learn the answers to mysteries such as how the Ancient Age came to an end”. Answers to these mysteries will be available through in game transactions and downloadable content. “You’ll be able to remove the mysterious Sky Rider’s helmet for just $4.99”, EA revealed. “We think these expandable story elements will really add to the immersion of the Panzer Dragoon experience.”
EA also didn’t rule out re-releasing older Panzer Dragoon games, such as the critically acclaimed Panzer Dragoon Saga, on Origin in episodic instalments rather than as one monolithic game. “If fans are willing to pay $200 for the game on eBay, we can save them money by offering individual areas as DLC. Imagine paying just $9.99 to travel through a worm tunnel under the Garil Desert. Amazing value!” EA also stated that if it re-releases Panzer Dragoon Saga it would improve the game by making it more accessible to modern gamers. “We would remove the cryptic Panzerese dialogue and replace it with English voice acting. The laser breathing dragons would confuse causal gamers too, so we would replace them with fire breathing dragons similar to those featured in our Dragon Age franchise.”